I've recently realized what is the problem with people, and including previous version of me, that are not grown, yet. I'm talking about the people that no matter of their age, they still are mediocre, not enough, not self-actualized, and can't do what they think they can or should. People who can't fit in communities or teams, are included as well.
Once I was reading about a great vital, critical, important and fundamental process, by Stephen Covey, in "7 habits of highly effective people"...
You hardly can imagine or understand the core concept and importance and vitality of it. It took me about 5 years of consciously thinking and experiencing it, and researching about it, and finally realizing how important it is, and I couldn't before, because I was a living instance of the topic's discussion myself. Fortunately I'm young enough, to learn it on the time, I'm in my early twenties.
Covey, clarifies the process of a human's development. Of course, it gets generalized to the bigger societies like the family as an organization, the society of the city, country and on.
Grown enough people, that we discuss here, are those who we call responsible, reliable, and successful in general.
As Stephen Covey introduced to me, an individual passes these levels of being, to finally get to the point we may call it "being grown."
Three phases are:
- Dependence
- Independence
- Interdependence
NOTE that each level, is totally the required basis for the next. Just like the math, if you can't do the simple calculations like summing up two numbers, you won't be able to multiply them, and if you can't multiply, so you can't go on for relatively advanced levels like derivating etc.
If you don't pass the dependence, you won't get to independence. And, if you don't pass the independence, you won't ever get to interdependence successfully.
That's why so many people, have problems getting independent. Or, so many struggle to get interdependent that allows the one to collaborate with teams, society or else.
Unfortunately, most of us people, are stuck in the first level when we get into our relationships. People barely learn it soon and frictionless to be independent. So we harm ourselves, or the partners by not being independent enough to put it into interdependence.
By the way, we MUST go on to the next level. Many of us, are perfect in being independent, yet we do not dare to move on to the next level, learning and becoming interdependent.
So, that's it. I'm sure you can't understand it. I've no doubt about it. It is statistically and experimentally proved to me, that a very small amount of people, reading this, are aware of this, and easily accept it to go through if haven't yet.
Responsibility is only and only one's individual job. No one else could or would ever be a hand or outsourced to. That's what you should practice and adopt by your own. Period.
DEPENDENCE --- INDEPENDENCE --- INTERDEPENDENCE
That's the sequence of the levels. If you don't complete the first, you won't be successful for the next, and you pay the price as time goes by, to get back and finish the first levels. No way out, you must do it, or pay the price forever.
In relations it is much more visible. Girls or boys, men or women, get involved with each other, and couldn't stand by the break ups in general, or the mistakes they make each.
Then, they would blame the other one, for hurting their emotions. Or, put the responsibility on the other one for not staying with him or her, to get independent! You see the mistake?
The more independence we practice, and the more relationships we get involved, the more we understand the importance and the more we become competent for being with others together.
Practice makes perfect... do your homework, completely.